New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's never too late to be topless.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
