I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
