I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As shirtless as possible
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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