Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize