the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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