she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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