If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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