first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
