I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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