super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
