quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
