You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
