just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
