Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
