ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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