you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
