Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
