I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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