Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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