just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
