Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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