I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
