Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
