I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
