i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
