woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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