my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
