Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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