had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Mom said you looked used
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
