I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
