My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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