There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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