i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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