I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
