I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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