thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
