Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
