I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
