GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
