i think i have herpe
just one?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
