I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
