My friends, they love my intelligence
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
