Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
