i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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