I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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