He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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