she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
