I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
