I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
