the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
