Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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