i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
