And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
