she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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