I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
