I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
