Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
