i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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