My Higher Power is John Stamos
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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