Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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