dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
