Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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