I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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