Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this just has baby written all over it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
