Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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