He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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