the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
