there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
